even on the best of days there’s always a small bit of
just getting through
pushing past
reaching by
and I just wish that my silly little
human brain
could see all the glory in each second that I
push through
instead of sneaking past
clean sheets
in a safe home
that I often hide in
with a heavy chest
heavy eyelids
I told someone recently that my home
is sacred to me
that I appreciate knocks and calls
because taking down the defenses
can take a few tries
in these walls it’s harder for me to
let you down
piss you off
do it wrong
there isn’t enough time in the day to consider
if I did everything right
hell
not even that
to even wonder
if I didn’t hurt anyone
so I close my eyes
and hope that you’re okay
and that I wasn’t any part of
what made you not
my brain is just a switchboard
how may I direct your call?
hit 1 for family related matters
2 for work and anxiety while
3 will connect you to everyone else I’ve ever known and
hit 4 to hear my insides churn while we
talk about everything I forgot to do and
5 will list out all of my commitments
I no longer want to commit to
but am going to
because
water keeps pouring into
a full cup that spills continuously
the weeds are thriving on the ground around it
they’re taking over
the flowers never had a chance
tori & her words 