give it back

sometimes it feels good to know that I will return to the earth
that the ground will take me back and I can once again
be useful
I wonder which parts of me will go to the tree
which parts to the mushrooms
stepping easily between the kingdoms from my home below the surface
because up here where I take parts from the trees
parts from the mushrooms
I can never be sure if my words are working
if my actions are aiding
but I take energy from the other realms like an IOU
because we both know that I’ve got my carbon on loan
and every fall I take is a small payment
iron rich interest left on the rocks as I learn
and heal
I’ve been falling a lot lately on my path to use
to knowledge
and I’ve been keeping quiet about my cuts
scared to show you how many sharp things I’ve kept
close to my heart but
there are worse things than bruised egos

I don’t know how to write this apology
my eyes were bigger than my lifetime
and I’ve taken too much
but I will do my best to share my stolen goods
these things I haven’t earned
the comfort of this skin
the shade of this tree
the silky cap
of a shiitake

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