let me in

staying alive is a full time job
because being an adult isn’t what we thought
all of the glamour you imagined as a kid
has revealed itself
to be the sheen
off dirty dishes
building in the sink
between preparing food and cleaning up after it
we’re lucky to find time to sleep enough
to get us to our paycheck payer
on time and in line
and if we’re really, really lucky
we’ve found some people along the way
who accept our half-cleaned kitchen
and half-slept brains
who love our half-formed hearts

so when you casually tell the world
you can’t stay alive anymore
I want to come clean your kitchen
or wash your sheets
cause I really hope that’s what you meant
I can push aside my grocery run
push back my bedtime
every time
to make your life more livable
ask me for anything
to fill that soul gap
and I’ll ask off work to go searching
for a bridge
so you can cross that void
and come back to me

it’s weird how love and vampires can follow the same rules sometimes
I mean
I can show off my heart in the sun
it’s not confined to the night sky
but for me to love you
really love you
you have to invite me in
I can’t keep waiting on your porch
I’m getting cold
and hungry
and at some point
a heart can’t feed a stomach
and this war of attrition is going to end
in me saving myself
instead of saving you

I spend so many hours I should be sleeping
awake
hoping
that you’re sleeping
and not only do you not know that
I know you won’t believe me
all I can do is tell you this
my truth
because I can’t save you
and I can’t love you
until you let me

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